Confessions of a Cna

I didn't really think about the possibility of forming lasting relationships with any of my residents,  I just started coming to work,  doing my job,  going the extra mile to ensure top quality care for my residents,  and somehow,  sometime,  our relationship bloomed.  You called me by my name,  as I called you by yours,  and we began to linger just a bit as I made my rounds.  Now there are quite a few newly found relationships with my residents,  some on every hall.  They are mothers,  fathers,  sisters,  brothers,  and now they are my friends too.  Some might say they are lucky to have me as a caregiver but in all reality... It is I who is truly the lucky one.  I am blessed to have the privilege of hearing their stories.  They still have dreams,  hobbies,  sadness,  fears... And on this amazing journey of life we are on,  it is my blessing to hear about the stories they share.  Some of my residents have disabilities that prevent them from verbal communication,  and yet I have found other ways to discover their needs and wants.  God is truly amazing and I am so thankful I have been blessed with the opportunity to meet my residents.  Without them,  I wouldn't have my job.  So thank you, my friends.

Looking forward

It's almost June.  The month I graduated from college one week and got married the next.  My Momma planned the entire wedding in a month and even handmade the bridesmaids dresses and the flower girls dress. Plus I had totally shocked everyone in May by announcing my engagement to Doug and our first born due in January.  By the way I don't recommend trying this particular trick lol.  God worked it out for us in His mercy,  and yet it has been a rough ride. God has been faithful to meet our needs.  Every single one.  Yet I have to wonder if we had done things by His design and plan if we would've had a few more of our wants thrown in for good measure. 
So this is our milestone year.  20 years of married bliss and our daughter turns 20 this January and our sons turn 15 in November and 10 in December.  Our daughter is in paramedic school and is an advanced Emt.  Our oldest son begins high school as a freshman this fall and our baby will begin fourth grade this fall.  I am a CNA.  Doug is disabled physically.  God is so good.  We are blessed.  I plan to go back to school in the fall for nursing.  Who knows but God.... But I can dream and make my plans and pray for His guidance while I continue on this road called my life with its beautiful landmarks,  bumps,  and u turns.  Lol

True Confessions of a wounded soldier part 2

Hello my name is hurt.  It's painful to hear words spoken by a dear friend or family member about you.  It's hard to hear,  it causes you to lose trust,  and ignites distrust at such a high degree that it's hard to allow my hurting heart to trust anyone.  I am here.  I have heard painful things said about me by very dear loved ones in my life.  I do not hate them.  I still love them.  It is hard to go anywhere I know they will be.  It's hard to imagine how years of friendship can be thrown away in a few minutes of gossip.  I guess what's hurt me the most is the realization that I am guilty.  This pain caused by my friend hurts and I do not like it and yet as I think back over my life I am ashamed to say that I have allowed myself to gossip about some of my closest friends and family.  God helping me... Never again for this white girl. 
I am so very sorry for many words and actions and reactions I've had over the years.  Believe me when I say I truly understand now.  I have completely switched places with one dear friend and I hurt for what she went through every day because I'm now going through much of the same. I didn't understand her decisions.  I didn't understand her pain.  I gave short quick advice to her and shared the prayer requests with a few other people.  Much of the prayer requests were gossip.  I am so ashamed.  The bible says we will reap what we sow.  So very true. 
It hurts more because it is more than one person saying more than one thing and honestly none of it is any of their business.  I trusted one individual with some information when I needed someone to talk to,  to pray with,  to help... And that very information was told to me by another mutual acquaintance... I had only shared this particular experience with the one person so there isn't a doubt who squealed.  It's also painful to hear loved ones judge me or my family about something they do not understand... Or worse.... When I am judged about something that they allow in their home and lives.  What is up with that? 
If there is one thing I have learned in my dark times of deep pain,  it is that I want to let people know I love them.  I want them to know I am praying for them,  and I do not need any details of gossip because my God knows all about it and He is the only one who can change it... So basically I only want need to know information.  No more no less.... And I really would love all my friends and family to accept the same.  One thing I can say without hesitation is if u have never been where I am then please don't tell me any advice.  Just pray.  I don't need my phone blown up with texts about encouragement ten million times a day.  I have JESUS and He is helping me.  Please just pray.  Maybe we should all just stop talking about it and try praying about it.  Be very careful in spreading too much information while requesting prayer.... That's gossip.  Truly.  I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be but I am wounded and I am healing.  Consider this my Rehabilitation.  Now if I can quit hearing all the yada yada yada.  Only speak to me if what you have to say is more beautiful than silence. 

True Confessions of a wounded soldier

Hello my name is depressed.  I've been so low that I didn't want to get out of my bed.  Not even to eat,  not to talk,  not for anything.  It's hard for anyone who has never been where I've been to understand or even begin to have compassion.  Jesus has carried me through so many weeks and months like this.  Our life seems to be falling apart in ways that I'd rather not share just yet,  without God we would have totally drowned in the depth of despair.  My children deserve better and yet we encourage them that through this fire our weakness will be made strong and as long as we hold onto Jesus we will come forth as pure gold.  God will make this trial of many many tears and feelings of loneliness and despair unlike anything I have ever known.  God will make this trial  blessing though it brings me to my knees. Pray for us.  We are holding on.... It may not appear that way.... But thank God he has protected  us from the destruction the devil had planned for us.  We are emotionally broken and yet spiritually  clinging to Christ because He is our only hope.  This is just a small part of our trial but I feel that I had to share this small piece of the puzzle known as my testimony.  Kaykay Kaykays Caboodle

Think on good things

When you are in the midst of a tornado, its very very hard to think on good things. Trust me on this. Jesus will help you refocus on good things so the not so great things dont continue to pile up and drown you.
They say its very dangerous to help a drowning person because its possible to be pulled under yourself. So when you see someone spiritually drowning its natural to turn away right....and yet Jesus calls us to be unnatural. To speak life. To encourage. To help the drowning live. It is possible to safely help a drowning person. It takes training and lifesaving equipment. Jesus will be more than willing to train us to be first responders for our drowning friends and family if we trust him to show us the way. Light my fire lord, give me a desire to help the drowning and give me the knowledge to become a first responder for you.

A time for thanks

It's been a little shocking in our lives lately, the number of days my husband had to stay in the hospital after a mini stroke was twenty four. The number of outpatient therapy days he will have to participate in before full release will be about twenty four. The number of times I've sighed in frustration and muttered "really?!?!" Has been almost immeasurable. 
I dropped Doug off at his outpatient therapy Friday, and went by lifeway Christian so I could return something for a client...I glanced in the devotional isle and spotted a double book with one thousand gifts and the devotional all in one cover.  I accepted the challenge to make a list of one thousand things I love. 
The book suggests I write down all the recent life events and search for a reason to be thankful for it. #kindofabigdealformerightnowactually
I will try to see the Lords grace and mercy. I do trust Him.

Here goes........

Life event #1 Doug suffered from his first mini stroke which resulted in a chemical imbalance in the bed iou n and his long term hospital stay of twenty four days.
*hmmmm, well I have definitely been more appreciative of Doug and about having him here at home every night. It's very unsettling to suddenly be a single mom of three and be alone every night in the country and have to get them up and off to school while getting myself ready for work so I can leave by six and them load bus by six thirty. Stressed is one word. Yet I can look back and see how God held me throughout this time and guided me every day and every night to navigate our routes to work and school and then to visit Doug everyday. I Love my family and I am reminded of the fact that through all the stress of his hospitalization... he is still alive....he is still with us....and most of all he came home with us! I do Love my husband and I am so thankful he is still here. He is physically sick and suffers damage from the stroke...but he is home with us and I am truly grateful for that!
Wow, that really wasn't as bad as I thought. (:

Day 1Random Act of Kindness

Today's rak was to let someone go before you in line. When I did this, the recipient couldn't believe I would willingly ask her to please go first. We were both smileing. It was definitely a successful RAK! Thanks to the blog coffee cups and crayons (:

First day in Daniel diet

I'm not a very good person at keeping on any schedule for very long. I like spontaneity a lot! My husband went on the Daniel fast a few months ago and did really well. Of course he did, cause everyone knows men loose weight quicker than women. Well somehow, I found myself agreeing to start the diet with him today. We decided to start last night. (: if there's one way I can sideswipe my poor diet history, it's to suddenly sneak into beginning a diet. 

First thing I usually get in the morning is caffeine. I woke up and headed into the kitchen, fully aware I could no longer have coke (not even diet ) or coffee or even tea. I decided on flavored water with caffeine. I opened it up and as I took my first swallow my husband says, what are u drinking? I say, flavored water! He says you aren't supposed to have it cause of the artificial flavors! WhAt?!?!?! Confession: I drank that bottle of water and it was SO GOOD! 

I stopped on the way into town and got me a bottle of unsweetened 100%juice and a bag of cashews. I was proud I stuck to the plan! 

In town I got 2 bags of sunflower seeds and more 100%juice. I stopped at mcDonalds for a salad. I chose the southwest and got my chicken on the side (I'm not including meat and supplement with beans and other proteins along with vitamins). I got the Italian dressing because I didn't know if the southwest dressing was milk based or not and the cashier had no idea. I came home and shared the salad with Doug (seriously) and I am full for the moment! We shall see how long I can last this time!!! Pray for me! 

Are you a worn out woman???

Here is a quiz I found in the book "the worn out woman" by dr Steven Stephens and Alice Gray:

Take the temperature of your life when it comes to stress overload!

Read thru the list and check off each item you have experienced more than once in the past week.

-you get irritable or impatient over little things

-you have a hard time getting to sleep or staying asleep

-you seem overly emotional

-your body sometimes feels so wound up that you can't relax

-you think, if I can just get thru this, then I'm going to do some things I really want to do

-you get frustrated at how forgetful you are

-you are easily distracted, even from things you enjoy

-your friends say you are moody

-you run out of energy before the day is done

-you find it hard to make definite decisions or to stick to them once they are made

-you get fed up when things take longer than you plan

-you find yourself eating when u really aren't hungry

-you avid spending g time with family or friends because they just take too much energy

-you feel like nothing sounds fun or exciting

-you enjoy the adrenaline rush of last minute deadlines

-you are not working up to your normal ability

-you find that worry distracts you from reaching your goals

-you have trouble delegating tasks because you think you can so them better

If u checked....     Your stress level is probably.....

1-6.                       Mild to moderate -be careful

7-12                      Serious- May need to make some changes

13-18.                    Severe-get help now!!!

The worn out woman

I am beginning a book devotional. "The worn out woman" by dr Steve Stephens and Alice Gray. 

I thought I would share some of the things from my reading.

  I am worn to a raveling. -Beatrix Potter

Comments shared by women at a retreat about their personal weariness and frustrations :

*most days I feel overwhelmed

*i want to run away and start over

*ive wished my life away

*i hardly experience intimate or tender moments with The Lord 

*my days are filled with things I don't want to do

*when I read the bible it's out of habit rather than desire

*the joy and excitement are gone

*i wake up feeling discouraged

*ive taken on responsibilities that I never wanted

*i feel like I'm missing me but maybe it's God I'm missing

I can totally relate to each of these comments. The stresses from the battles in my mind are cAusing me extreme physical disabilities and it is getting worse. I really have to let go and let God but I am not sure how to totally surrender. I desire to practice forgiveness until I see no offense in my offenders and yet that is a very very hard thing to actually do!

I am sick of "race-pace" mode!!

I want balance!

The worn out woman has many sisters! 

We believe no one can unclutter her life without uncluttering her heart as well. 

I want to dig deeper into why I feel worn out!

I'm going to take the love that comes my way and hold on to it for dear life. Sometimes we don't need new scenery, just new eyes. - dawn miller

There is hope !!!

Diabetes rocked our world

It was always something we took for granted, all of us being able to eat whatever we wanted. It wasn't something we thought about. We planned our meals from the many cook books I own and ate accordingly. Happy happy joy joy then wham!!! Mr Faulk you are diabetic!!! Delivered just like the death sentance we believed the words to be. 

We had heard of diabetes and I knew someone who had diabetes and couldn't eat chocolate. Where do we go from here? 

Our doctor is a specialist in diabetes. He told us to fill the prescription meds and blood sugar monitor and attend the diabetic class's when the hospital representative called to schedule them. He told us with proper exercise and diet modification that Doug could possibly return to regular blood sugar levels. 

What does that mean??? We googled diabetes and became more terrified as we tried to plow through the very large volume of information about diabetes. Friends who knew someone with diabetes tried giving advice, and we did appreciate it, but really we just needed to figure out what we had to do. What changes did we need to make?? 

We didn't make any. Seriously. The results weren't too amazing either. Doug slipped into bed because he couldn't eat like we had been, and the high blood sugar made him irritable and sleepy, combined with his narcolepsy and sleep apnea and he was exhausted ! His restrictive lung disease causes his lungs to function similar to an 80 year old man, and so any exercise left him so out of breath it made him miserable. He remained in bed almost three weeks. He gained weight. Very very bad facts for any diabetic. 

I remembered his cousin telling us about the Daniel fast , so I looked it up! I bought two books about it without Doug's knowledge and then just came into our room and woke him up!! I read the idea of the Daniel fast and several testimonials. He agreed to try it .. After all... We were desperate!! 

He basically could only have fruit and vegetables for 21days. Sounds simple but oh it was not!!! We researched recipes to complement the Daniel fast And little by little ... He began to shed inches in the belly and face. He began exercising 30 minutes on our elliptical. Five minutes at a time spread out during the day! It worked for us!!! 

We did attend the diabetic classes, he had two weeks remaining on the Daniel fast. We learned a lot, and Doug decided to finish the 21 days then combine the Daniel fast menu and the diabetic menus to form his own modified diet. Praise The Lord!!! It is working!! His bible reading and prayer life has at least doubled and his pounds are shrinking off at a very steady and safe pace!!! 

We give God the praise because we know that all the knowledge for the proper way to diet came from Him, and I am so thankful He directs our lives so perfectly!!! 

Grapevines

When I hear the word grapevine...my first thought is about the song...I heard it through the grapevine.  I also think about the plant, but not first of all.
When I was a kid, we played grapevine games...rumor.. where one child says a phrase whispered into anthers ear.. down the line until the end result is usually hilarious.
Lately I have been guilty of self inflicted solitary confinement. Where I keep to myself and don't want to bother anyone cause everyone seems so stressed and I don't want to add to their stress.  Now if someone needs me...No matter how stressed I am...I want to be there for them. I don't know why it's so hard for me to allow others to be there for me.
I want to be a better family member and a better friend. I want to keep in touch better and share the everyday things we do. The smiles and the tears.
Lord, let it begin with me.

Moments.org

As strong as I try so very hard to be, I cannot escape the deepest pain. The pain of rejection ,unreasonable rejection. All my life I have tried to Please people, the very most important people I tried to Please are my family. My birth dad has rejected me and for the life of me I can not explain that pain away. There is No excuse for disowning any one especially the ones God blessed you with to love and to cherish all their lives.
Tonight, I sit with Mr j. He is the most loving dad I have ever had the privilege to be around. He is so very concerned about his children, even though he is 93, and growing weak, he still cares about his children and how they are.
God.knew.my.pain...even before I realized how deeply it affected me. He provided the most wonderful people to be there for me, not to replace my birth parents, but to stand in the gap. These people are third for me because they choose to be. My husband. Can't imagine life without him. My children, God gave us the best. My in laws...treat me like their own daughter. My Momma and my Gran Dan, have been there for me even when I can't return their visits. Oh how very big of a blessing just knowing they care is. .... knowing they love me.
I place that knowledge in my mind daily,  and the knowledge of their love....pushes back the deep pain and makes life bearable. Well beyond bearable, my loved ones make life a blessing.  For that I am eternally greatful.
God has so abundantly blessed me with those who choose to love me, and now I pray He helps me to show His love to others. I wanna keep my light shining and I won't let Satan blow it out!

Lord!! These people are driving me crazy!!

That's it! I have had it! Ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back??? Well this straw is one of those cement drainage pipes!!

I keep reminding myself to just breathe. Pray and pray and pray and breathe.

I began pouring my heart out to God. I really didn't hold anything out or unsaid.

Ya know what his response was? How are you Katie?

what? Me? I'm all shook up! I'm grrrrr ya know??

at this point I kinda maybe heard the still small voice suggesting I refocus on me. Ouch.

But they....

Refocus on Katie.

OK Lord. Help me. Then I began writing down things I like and do not like so much about me. Wow.

Honesty really hurts.

It's so much easier to lay blame. To go off on "them" and yet it's not about "them" controlling my thoughts or my actions. I am supposed to give that slot to God. Let him control my thoughts and actions and words.

So pray...pray...breathe...and refocus. Don't let the actions or lack of actions in others consume your thoughts. Refocus on Him. I promise it will make you smile.

My favorites *some.anyway(;

God*salvation.love.Jesus. kisstheson. Foreverreigns. Refuge.forgiveness
Family*Doug.Sisi.Bubba.PearBear.Melita.SpottGunn. LuckyDuck. Momma.GranDan.everyoneElse(;
Church*OmegaHoliness.JackAssembly.NewBrocktonFirstUnitedMethodistCurch.CadizUnitedMethodist.GraceUnitedMethodist
Roots*Perrymac.MaconGa. AuburnAl. CadizKy. AtlantaGa. Germany.PensacolaFl. FtWaltonBeachFl.NewHopeAl. EchoAl
#2infinityandbeyond!!!!

Its the most wonderful time of the year dec 2013

Christmas time is here. Happiness and cheer. Focus with me on some thoughts please. You are rushing and maybe feeling overwhelmed about the to do list that morphs into enormous sizes...someone is stressing and stretching their money further than any dollar should be stretched just to see food on the table and blankets on the beds for their children.
Yes this is the time for families and friends to have as many random parties as they can think of....and more, like ugly  sweater parties, dirty Santa, ornament exchange, cookie exchange, white elephant... just to name a few.
I love to help people who truly need it. Not just lazy people looking for a handout. I love to randomly pass kindness around.
It's painful experiences in my own life that have really sparked my desire to spread the kindness and a little love around.
For the mother, having a long day with never ending diapers and constant bickering between the babies...a smile and I'm so proud of you for choosing to be a Momma.
For the family, secretly in pain, financial distress, ect... I can pray. God can send someone to meet the needs.
I heard a song called clear the stage the other day. A friend posted about it on instagram... so I Googled it. *you.totally.need.to.Google.it* amazing song
I wanna live like that. Like Jesus is enough and everything... because He is. I truly long to point others to Christ in all I say and in all I do.
#daily.Clear.my.stage.for.Jesus.

Random thoughts dump day

*I like looking at beautiful homes filled with beautiful things, and yet I love my very own home...filled with abundant family love.
*I once wanted to jump at the beach... on a bungee jump.
*I love memories.
*I am the type of girl that pushes when the doors clearly say pull.
*I try way too hard to please others.
*I hurt every day.
*sometimes I feel so sad it feels like a large rock is on me...keeping me from getting out of my bed.
*I'm silly at totally random moments.
*I have the mind of an adhd preschooler ha
*I love smores
*I love bonfires.
*Snuggling by our fireplace is one of my favorite places to be
*Sometimes I just keep things that are bothering all to myself, because I don't want to be a whiner.
*I am thankful for salvation.
*I've learned that things are not always what they seem.
*Objects in the rear view mirror really are closer than they appear. True.story.
*I love cooking, and baking.
*I enjoy causing people to smile.
*I try my best, and pray for God's help, so that I keep quiet when it's appropriate and speak to point others toward him when appropriate. *I really like gummy bears.
*pancakes are amazing delicious
*I love Christmas,  and Thanksgiving is my favorite.
*I enjoy writing.
*I enjoy delivering surprises of kindness.
*I love my church.
*I like to thrift shop hunt.
*I love bubble baths.
*I wish my family all lived closer together.
*those Christmas cards. Luv.
*target. Ya know?
*I like old fashioned traditions.
*I do not like changes.
*I play games on my phone way too much.
*sweet potatoes, baked,  with butter and syrup... heavenly
*I like taking pictures.
I would love to be able to twinkle my nose and my house turn super clean...ya know...like bewitched...
*I once wanted to be a go go girl. I had NO idea what they were...just liked how the lights blinked around the signs that advertised them. Ugh
*my back hurts a lot  more than I say.
*I would drop just about anything if a friend needs me.

Words 2 warm our hearts

We can't all be shining examples, but we can at least twinkle a little.
                        ~•~
This I learned from the shadow of a tree, that to and fro did sway against a wall, our shadows ourselves, our influence,  May fall where we ourselves can never be. Anna Hamilton
                        ~•~
If we learn to give of ourselves,  forgive others, and to live with Thanksgiving,  we need not seek happiness,  it will seek us.
                         ~•~
Most of the people I know who have what I want - which is to say, purpose, heart, balance, gratitude, joy - are people with a deep spirituality.... they are part of something beautiful.  Anne Lamott
                          ~•~

Happy Thanksgiving Mr Turkey

So I'm totally gonna just type whatever I think. So expect a ton of random.
Thanksgiving is here...ready it not. I am not, actually.  Paige and Doug have started the meal prep for me. It's Ham, dressing, rutabegers, cabbage,  corn on cob, Collards, California mix veggies, rolls, yummy...
So the kids are trying to decide where they want to put you the tree. Big living room...full of exercise equipment,  and toys... but window facing road....OR...back little living room, fireplace, couch and chairs, window facing woods. I want it in the back little room....we shall see who wins the argument...Sisi or Bubba.
Boiled peanuts are the perfect appetizers ever.
my crowns came off when I sneezed. Yes I look like a monster. It hurts... and will be interesting trying not to swallow them while I eat.
Doug is diabetic...makes Thanksgiving cooking tricky.
Boys were harassing our dogs by popping balloons.... I swear they thought they were shooting them.
I love still being in my PJ's.
My fuzzy blanket is my favorite.
I might have eaten a few of the chocolate chip cookies in their dough form.
I bought gingerbread,  pumpkin pie, and apple spice plug ins and I plugged them in. Doug let me. Bonus!!
there are mice in here....somebody let our cats in for Thanksgiving dinner...catch it while you can.
I get to keep kaynen tonight!
Boys are driving me insane. Certifiably!!
I think Valium would totally be nice today.
I am so glad I'm not Christmas shopping at all yet...I'm waiting for December (;
my heater is my bff.
Kids played in the dogs water bowl this morning... because it was frozen.
Devotions....talk and die...move and I will touch your rear end with my belt. Shut up and listen to the Bible you big mouth nincompoops!
ha...It's a great Day!

Especially for the Turkey we let live.... not so much for the pig we gonna eat. All's fair in love and war tho...so It's good!

random thoughts

I woke up cold this morning.  It was still dark outside. Immediately,  I call out to my husband, and ask him to turn on the heater. He did. He's awesome like that.
I had a message from a friend last night. A voicemail. Apparently she called about five minutes after the school called yet again about the yearbook sale or the games...and so I never checked the voicemail.  She called me today. Bonus...we get to keep her baby overnight!!! 
Parvo struck our house...again...we lost another puppy. Got the other one on meds. I hate barf.
Bought chicken for the fellowship meeting after church. Got a pizza for immediate consumption... got busy and ended up actually forgetting to eat....again.
It's dark when I come to work now. Thanks to the fall back time change. Saw a shooting star. Made me smile. Saw the deer under Mr J's pear tree...there are a couple of bucks. I heard them grunt sort of...when I took copper out to potty.
I'm hungry. It's almost ten. Ugh.