Happy Thanksgiving Mr Turkey

So I'm totally gonna just type whatever I think. So expect a ton of random.
Thanksgiving is here...ready it not. I am not, actually.  Paige and Doug have started the meal prep for me. It's Ham, dressing, rutabegers, cabbage,  corn on cob, Collards, California mix veggies, rolls, yummy...
So the kids are trying to decide where they want to put you the tree. Big living room...full of exercise equipment,  and toys... but window facing road....OR...back little living room, fireplace, couch and chairs, window facing woods. I want it in the back little room....we shall see who wins the argument...Sisi or Bubba.
Boiled peanuts are the perfect appetizers ever.
my crowns came off when I sneezed. Yes I look like a monster. It hurts... and will be interesting trying not to swallow them while I eat.
Doug is diabetic...makes Thanksgiving cooking tricky.
Boys were harassing our dogs by popping balloons.... I swear they thought they were shooting them.
I love still being in my PJ's.
My fuzzy blanket is my favorite.
I might have eaten a few of the chocolate chip cookies in their dough form.
I bought gingerbread,  pumpkin pie, and apple spice plug ins and I plugged them in. Doug let me. Bonus!!
there are mice in here....somebody let our cats in for Thanksgiving dinner...catch it while you can.
I get to keep kaynen tonight!
Boys are driving me insane. Certifiably!!
I think Valium would totally be nice today.
I am so glad I'm not Christmas shopping at all yet...I'm waiting for December (;
my heater is my bff.
Kids played in the dogs water bowl this morning... because it was frozen.
Devotions....talk and die...move and I will touch your rear end with my belt. Shut up and listen to the Bible you big mouth nincompoops!
ha...It's a great Day!

Especially for the Turkey we let live.... not so much for the pig we gonna eat. All's fair in love and war tho...so It's good!

random thoughts

I woke up cold this morning.  It was still dark outside. Immediately,  I call out to my husband, and ask him to turn on the heater. He did. He's awesome like that.
I had a message from a friend last night. A voicemail. Apparently she called about five minutes after the school called yet again about the yearbook sale or the games...and so I never checked the voicemail.  She called me today. Bonus...we get to keep her baby overnight!!! 
Parvo struck our house...again...we lost another puppy. Got the other one on meds. I hate barf.
Bought chicken for the fellowship meeting after church. Got a pizza for immediate consumption... got busy and ended up actually forgetting to eat....again.
It's dark when I come to work now. Thanks to the fall back time change. Saw a shooting star. Made me smile. Saw the deer under Mr J's pear tree...there are a couple of bucks. I heard them grunt sort of...when I took copper out to potty.
I'm hungry. It's almost ten. Ugh.

Slinky kinda days

It's easy to assume you know what a person is thinking. It's easy to believe someone else can just do it. It's easy to make cute little sunshine filled comments to people who are down in the dumps.
It's hard to be down in the dumps. It's hard to live with a chronic illness. It's hard to have your whole world turned upside down. It's hard to hear the sunshine filled cute little comments when you just need a hug or even acknowledgement that the trial is real. It's hard to hear comments about missing you in church when you are just trying to breathe.
I can not imagine going one more second alone, and I.am.so.very.glad.Jesus.still. believes.in.me. I'm so glad I have lived thru these things because it has painfully opened my eyes to how smiles and cheer filled comments are not always the balm needed to ease some of the pain.
Though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, thou art with me. Psalm 23
When you walk through the dark, it is a scary thing, it doesn't mean you are impossibly lost, it means you need a flashlight. I just want to be that flashlight... for someone in the dark. I want Jesus to use my pain and my tears and all of the guilty feelings of complaining every time I try to talk about my family or our life.
Only.God.knows.  I never imagined what it meant to be deeply depressed before. I never understood the pain of the misconceptions people have toward an unwilling person in pain. It's so easy to assume you know why...when in reality ...I don't know why. I just know it's hard to breathe in suffocating circumstances.  I also know it's scary being alone in the dark. It's terrible to feel like you can't explain to ANYONE exactly how you really feel or especially what all you are living through because it's just to much like being a whiny baby...or the person you avoid because they list everything that's wrong with them...in.detail.
When it is the hardest thing you've ever done to get out of bed. It's incredibly hard to get ready... to.go.anywhere.  It's excruciating to meet family and friends because you have no idea how to answer that neverending question of...how are you...or even worse....how is your husband.
I can remember when I could not imagine the things I live with everyday. I sure miss those times of happy blissful ignorance... cause this pain...this neverending
....solitude...well it's the hardest thing I've ever known. I am so glad I do have Jesus! I would not even want to breathe another second without him.
This is my life. As good, as bad, and as ugly as it gets...I have a heaven to gain and a hell to shun.
Sometimes it's the little things that cut the deepest.
Miss you......I'm hearing you need to pray through and get yourself back to church every service......I'm just trying to survive from second to second. I'm just trying to figure out how I can breathe.
I cannot stop. I cannot ever stop... because I have my precious husband who needs me to love and support him...and I have our three blessings from God who need me to help them to keep breathing... because the pain is greater.... but I have to keep reminding myself and all of them...that Godis.greater.

God has our backs. The battle is His and victory is sweet.

No, I do not feel victorious, but I dare to believe my Savior, my redeemer, my best friend....my father in heaven...Jesus!

I also think about how many times little comments cause me the most pain...and the person who said it doesn't have any idea how painful it is...and I pray that I don't use words to hurt...I pray I use words that only uplift my Savior... I pray I use words to point everyone to Jesus.

Sigh....OK I'm done with the soapbox....for now.....next......