True Confessions of a wounded soldier part 2

Hello my name is hurt.  It's painful to hear words spoken by a dear friend or family member about you.  It's hard to hear,  it causes you to lose trust,  and ignites distrust at such a high degree that it's hard to allow my hurting heart to trust anyone.  I am here.  I have heard painful things said about me by very dear loved ones in my life.  I do not hate them.  I still love them.  It is hard to go anywhere I know they will be.  It's hard to imagine how years of friendship can be thrown away in a few minutes of gossip.  I guess what's hurt me the most is the realization that I am guilty.  This pain caused by my friend hurts and I do not like it and yet as I think back over my life I am ashamed to say that I have allowed myself to gossip about some of my closest friends and family.  God helping me... Never again for this white girl. 
I am so very sorry for many words and actions and reactions I've had over the years.  Believe me when I say I truly understand now.  I have completely switched places with one dear friend and I hurt for what she went through every day because I'm now going through much of the same. I didn't understand her decisions.  I didn't understand her pain.  I gave short quick advice to her and shared the prayer requests with a few other people.  Much of the prayer requests were gossip.  I am so ashamed.  The bible says we will reap what we sow.  So very true. 
It hurts more because it is more than one person saying more than one thing and honestly none of it is any of their business.  I trusted one individual with some information when I needed someone to talk to,  to pray with,  to help... And that very information was told to me by another mutual acquaintance... I had only shared this particular experience with the one person so there isn't a doubt who squealed.  It's also painful to hear loved ones judge me or my family about something they do not understand... Or worse.... When I am judged about something that they allow in their home and lives.  What is up with that? 
If there is one thing I have learned in my dark times of deep pain,  it is that I want to let people know I love them.  I want them to know I am praying for them,  and I do not need any details of gossip because my God knows all about it and He is the only one who can change it... So basically I only want need to know information.  No more no less.... And I really would love all my friends and family to accept the same.  One thing I can say without hesitation is if u have never been where I am then please don't tell me any advice.  Just pray.  I don't need my phone blown up with texts about encouragement ten million times a day.  I have JESUS and He is helping me.  Please just pray.  Maybe we should all just stop talking about it and try praying about it.  Be very careful in spreading too much information while requesting prayer.... That's gossip.  Truly.  I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be but I am wounded and I am healing.  Consider this my Rehabilitation.  Now if I can quit hearing all the yada yada yada.  Only speak to me if what you have to say is more beautiful than silence. 

True Confessions of a wounded soldier

Hello my name is depressed.  I've been so low that I didn't want to get out of my bed.  Not even to eat,  not to talk,  not for anything.  It's hard for anyone who has never been where I've been to understand or even begin to have compassion.  Jesus has carried me through so many weeks and months like this.  Our life seems to be falling apart in ways that I'd rather not share just yet,  without God we would have totally drowned in the depth of despair.  My children deserve better and yet we encourage them that through this fire our weakness will be made strong and as long as we hold onto Jesus we will come forth as pure gold.  God will make this trial of many many tears and feelings of loneliness and despair unlike anything I have ever known.  God will make this trial  blessing though it brings me to my knees. Pray for us.  We are holding on.... It may not appear that way.... But thank God he has protected  us from the destruction the devil had planned for us.  We are emotionally broken and yet spiritually  clinging to Christ because He is our only hope.  This is just a small part of our trial but I feel that I had to share this small piece of the puzzle known as my testimony.  Kaykay Kaykays Caboodle