Grapevines

When I hear the word grapevine...my first thought is about the song...I heard it through the grapevine.  I also think about the plant, but not first of all.
When I was a kid, we played grapevine games...rumor.. where one child says a phrase whispered into anthers ear.. down the line until the end result is usually hilarious.
Lately I have been guilty of self inflicted solitary confinement. Where I keep to myself and don't want to bother anyone cause everyone seems so stressed and I don't want to add to their stress.  Now if someone needs me...No matter how stressed I am...I want to be there for them. I don't know why it's so hard for me to allow others to be there for me.
I want to be a better family member and a better friend. I want to keep in touch better and share the everyday things we do. The smiles and the tears.
Lord, let it begin with me.

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As strong as I try so very hard to be, I cannot escape the deepest pain. The pain of rejection ,unreasonable rejection. All my life I have tried to Please people, the very most important people I tried to Please are my family. My birth dad has rejected me and for the life of me I can not explain that pain away. There is No excuse for disowning any one especially the ones God blessed you with to love and to cherish all their lives.
Tonight, I sit with Mr j. He is the most loving dad I have ever had the privilege to be around. He is so very concerned about his children, even though he is 93, and growing weak, he still cares about his children and how they are.
God.knew.my.pain...even before I realized how deeply it affected me. He provided the most wonderful people to be there for me, not to replace my birth parents, but to stand in the gap. These people are third for me because they choose to be. My husband. Can't imagine life without him. My children, God gave us the best. My in laws...treat me like their own daughter. My Momma and my Gran Dan, have been there for me even when I can't return their visits. Oh how very big of a blessing just knowing they care is. .... knowing they love me.
I place that knowledge in my mind daily,  and the knowledge of their love....pushes back the deep pain and makes life bearable. Well beyond bearable, my loved ones make life a blessing.  For that I am eternally greatful.
God has so abundantly blessed me with those who choose to love me, and now I pray He helps me to show His love to others. I wanna keep my light shining and I won't let Satan blow it out!