Life as a Mom can be hectic to say the least. Planning Thanksgiving activities, Christmas activities, New Years Activities, Church events, managing the household, school related events, not to mention participating in the various volunteer events can lead to giving the word multitasking new meaning. Yet even as hectic as our lives become, everything can change with just one word.
Usually, as Mom's, we tend to put our own physical pains and discomforts aside in order to keep the families needs met. It is not at all uncommon for Mom's to realize at the end of the day that the headache they have is largely because of the fact that they forgot to eat anything that day. Keeping schedules in order and maintaining the household is very much a full time job. Then, added to that, are the Mom's that do all the above, along with clock into a full time job every day. It is no wonder that time to think of "self" is so many times pushed aside until it refuses to be ignored.
Certain degree's of pain can be dealt with uneventfully, while other degrees of pain refuse to be ignored, and scream for the undivided attention of the recipient. Yet, even then, many Moms face the guilt of focusing on themselves, for any reason, even pain. Especially if the Mom has been diagnosed with a chronic illness; the guilt of the time spent with doctors and in bed can rage the mind and haunt the imaginations. I know. I have Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed after the birth of our third child. There are days that I simply can not function. Thankfully, due to the current medications I am taking, those days are fewer than previously. Any time I hurt now, I feel the guilt of being unable to manage the daily tasks for the home and family. When the pain becomes unbearable, then I let my husband know and we head to the doctor... again. When my frequent stomach pains turned into spasms, I could not eat or drink without pain. Once again, my husband took me to the doctor. I was given some medicine and told to stay away from spicy food. I took the medicine faithfully, and when it was gone, my pain still continued. It even seemed to get worse. My husband took me to the ER and the doctor gave me a pill, ordered blood work, and an X ray. Then I was sent home and told to follow up with the doctor on call in 2 days. Our plans for Thanksgiving travel were ruined, and we had to stay home. Thankfully, my in laws live a few miles away, and we were able to spend the day with them. At the follow up, the doctor began to ask me the usual questions, and decided to obtain a copy of the records from the ER visit. The X ray results stated that I have a mass in my pelvis. He asked me if I knew about the mass... and I did not. He showed shock, and then told me that he would need to order an ultrasound to view the mass and decide what to do.
Mass - a body of coherent matter, usually of indefinite shape and often of considerable size.
That one word brought so many thoughts into my mind ... it is not even funny! To begin with... I tried to remain calm, rational, optimistic. After all, a mass could be nothing to worry about at all... Right? Of course, the fearful thoughts began to plague my mind. Slowly they began to torment my thoughts. What would happen if I died? Who would be there for my husband and our children? I want to be there for them. When I die, I am prepared to go to heaven, but I always thought I would be allot older than I am right now.
The ultrasound was scheduled for 2 days later. TWO WHOLE DAYS! The thoughts progressively got worse. I really tried to be optimistic, and still continue to try and think positively. Isn't that what I am supposed to do?
This morning was the ultrasound. My wonderful sister in law went with me for it. The ultrasound tech. called me back, and I prepared for the exam. She didn't have the screen in view and so I could only see her expressions. She looked blank to me... and then I wondered if she saw it... and what she thought. Surely she had seen cancer before... did she think it looked like cancer... or not? She said she could not say. She explained that the exam was over, and that the radiologist would review the results and then call the doctor. Then I would get a call with the results. I asked how long and she said maybe tomorrow... but for sure by the next day! Triple diple UGH!!! 2 MORE DAYS! I know that regardless of the outcome... God has a plan. I KNOW THAT! Sometimes I am like a kid that has been told "You will understand when you grow up" and I would like to know now. Of course... I am sure there would be many times I would be thankful not to know ahead of time.
So that is how one little word changed everything. I never really thought about what it is like to be told... you have a mass. The waiting is very hard. Patience is not fun to endure... but it is a part of the plan. For me it is another reminder that you truly never know what someone is feeling unless you are them. This one little word has changed me forever. I only pray it changes me for the better.
No comments:
Post a Comment