Confessions of a Cna

I didn't really think about the possibility of forming lasting relationships with any of my residents,  I just started coming to work,  doing my job,  going the extra mile to ensure top quality care for my residents,  and somehow,  sometime,  our relationship bloomed.  You called me by my name,  as I called you by yours,  and we began to linger just a bit as I made my rounds.  Now there are quite a few newly found relationships with my residents,  some on every hall.  They are mothers,  fathers,  sisters,  brothers,  and now they are my friends too.  Some might say they are lucky to have me as a caregiver but in all reality... It is I who is truly the lucky one.  I am blessed to have the privilege of hearing their stories.  They still have dreams,  hobbies,  sadness,  fears... And on this amazing journey of life we are on,  it is my blessing to hear about the stories they share.  Some of my residents have disabilities that prevent them from verbal communication,  and yet I have found other ways to discover their needs and wants.  God is truly amazing and I am so thankful I have been blessed with the opportunity to meet my residents.  Without them,  I wouldn't have my job.  So thank you, my friends.

Looking forward

It's almost June.  The month I graduated from college one week and got married the next.  My Momma planned the entire wedding in a month and even handmade the bridesmaids dresses and the flower girls dress. Plus I had totally shocked everyone in May by announcing my engagement to Doug and our first born due in January.  By the way I don't recommend trying this particular trick lol.  God worked it out for us in His mercy,  and yet it has been a rough ride. God has been faithful to meet our needs.  Every single one.  Yet I have to wonder if we had done things by His design and plan if we would've had a few more of our wants thrown in for good measure. 
So this is our milestone year.  20 years of married bliss and our daughter turns 20 this January and our sons turn 15 in November and 10 in December.  Our daughter is in paramedic school and is an advanced Emt.  Our oldest son begins high school as a freshman this fall and our baby will begin fourth grade this fall.  I am a CNA.  Doug is disabled physically.  God is so good.  We are blessed.  I plan to go back to school in the fall for nursing.  Who knows but God.... But I can dream and make my plans and pray for His guidance while I continue on this road called my life with its beautiful landmarks,  bumps,  and u turns.  Lol

True Confessions of a wounded soldier part 2

Hello my name is hurt.  It's painful to hear words spoken by a dear friend or family member about you.  It's hard to hear,  it causes you to lose trust,  and ignites distrust at such a high degree that it's hard to allow my hurting heart to trust anyone.  I am here.  I have heard painful things said about me by very dear loved ones in my life.  I do not hate them.  I still love them.  It is hard to go anywhere I know they will be.  It's hard to imagine how years of friendship can be thrown away in a few minutes of gossip.  I guess what's hurt me the most is the realization that I am guilty.  This pain caused by my friend hurts and I do not like it and yet as I think back over my life I am ashamed to say that I have allowed myself to gossip about some of my closest friends and family.  God helping me... Never again for this white girl. 
I am so very sorry for many words and actions and reactions I've had over the years.  Believe me when I say I truly understand now.  I have completely switched places with one dear friend and I hurt for what she went through every day because I'm now going through much of the same. I didn't understand her decisions.  I didn't understand her pain.  I gave short quick advice to her and shared the prayer requests with a few other people.  Much of the prayer requests were gossip.  I am so ashamed.  The bible says we will reap what we sow.  So very true. 
It hurts more because it is more than one person saying more than one thing and honestly none of it is any of their business.  I trusted one individual with some information when I needed someone to talk to,  to pray with,  to help... And that very information was told to me by another mutual acquaintance... I had only shared this particular experience with the one person so there isn't a doubt who squealed.  It's also painful to hear loved ones judge me or my family about something they do not understand... Or worse.... When I am judged about something that they allow in their home and lives.  What is up with that? 
If there is one thing I have learned in my dark times of deep pain,  it is that I want to let people know I love them.  I want them to know I am praying for them,  and I do not need any details of gossip because my God knows all about it and He is the only one who can change it... So basically I only want need to know information.  No more no less.... And I really would love all my friends and family to accept the same.  One thing I can say without hesitation is if u have never been where I am then please don't tell me any advice.  Just pray.  I don't need my phone blown up with texts about encouragement ten million times a day.  I have JESUS and He is helping me.  Please just pray.  Maybe we should all just stop talking about it and try praying about it.  Be very careful in spreading too much information while requesting prayer.... That's gossip.  Truly.  I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be but I am wounded and I am healing.  Consider this my Rehabilitation.  Now if I can quit hearing all the yada yada yada.  Only speak to me if what you have to say is more beautiful than silence. 

True Confessions of a wounded soldier

Hello my name is depressed.  I've been so low that I didn't want to get out of my bed.  Not even to eat,  not to talk,  not for anything.  It's hard for anyone who has never been where I've been to understand or even begin to have compassion.  Jesus has carried me through so many weeks and months like this.  Our life seems to be falling apart in ways that I'd rather not share just yet,  without God we would have totally drowned in the depth of despair.  My children deserve better and yet we encourage them that through this fire our weakness will be made strong and as long as we hold onto Jesus we will come forth as pure gold.  God will make this trial of many many tears and feelings of loneliness and despair unlike anything I have ever known.  God will make this trial  blessing though it brings me to my knees. Pray for us.  We are holding on.... It may not appear that way.... But thank God he has protected  us from the destruction the devil had planned for us.  We are emotionally broken and yet spiritually  clinging to Christ because He is our only hope.  This is just a small part of our trial but I feel that I had to share this small piece of the puzzle known as my testimony.  Kaykay Kaykays Caboodle

Think on good things

When you are in the midst of a tornado, its very very hard to think on good things. Trust me on this. Jesus will help you refocus on good things so the not so great things dont continue to pile up and drown you.
They say its very dangerous to help a drowning person because its possible to be pulled under yourself. So when you see someone spiritually drowning its natural to turn away right....and yet Jesus calls us to be unnatural. To speak life. To encourage. To help the drowning live. It is possible to safely help a drowning person. It takes training and lifesaving equipment. Jesus will be more than willing to train us to be first responders for our drowning friends and family if we trust him to show us the way. Light my fire lord, give me a desire to help the drowning and give me the knowledge to become a first responder for you.

A time for thanks

It's been a little shocking in our lives lately, the number of days my husband had to stay in the hospital after a mini stroke was twenty four. The number of outpatient therapy days he will have to participate in before full release will be about twenty four. The number of times I've sighed in frustration and muttered "really?!?!" Has been almost immeasurable. 
I dropped Doug off at his outpatient therapy Friday, and went by lifeway Christian so I could return something for a client...I glanced in the devotional isle and spotted a double book with one thousand gifts and the devotional all in one cover.  I accepted the challenge to make a list of one thousand things I love. 
The book suggests I write down all the recent life events and search for a reason to be thankful for it. #kindofabigdealformerightnowactually
I will try to see the Lords grace and mercy. I do trust Him.

Here goes........

Life event #1 Doug suffered from his first mini stroke which resulted in a chemical imbalance in the bed iou n and his long term hospital stay of twenty four days.
*hmmmm, well I have definitely been more appreciative of Doug and about having him here at home every night. It's very unsettling to suddenly be a single mom of three and be alone every night in the country and have to get them up and off to school while getting myself ready for work so I can leave by six and them load bus by six thirty. Stressed is one word. Yet I can look back and see how God held me throughout this time and guided me every day and every night to navigate our routes to work and school and then to visit Doug everyday. I Love my family and I am reminded of the fact that through all the stress of his hospitalization... he is still alive....he is still with us....and most of all he came home with us! I do Love my husband and I am so thankful he is still here. He is physically sick and suffers damage from the stroke...but he is home with us and I am truly grateful for that!
Wow, that really wasn't as bad as I thought. (:

Day 1Random Act of Kindness

Today's rak was to let someone go before you in line. When I did this, the recipient couldn't believe I would willingly ask her to please go first. We were both smileing. It was definitely a successful RAK! Thanks to the blog coffee cups and crayons (: